So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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