Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Terrible idea I love it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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