Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
this is an emotional support booty call
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