new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
