Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
