Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
