I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
