i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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