I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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