I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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