i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
