Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
