my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
