I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
