You just made me feel so damn special
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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