It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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