There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
