Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
