Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
one two three fourrrrnication!
I smell stomach acid.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
