I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
