Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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