I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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