Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
