I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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