Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
