just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
