my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just cropdusted the office
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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