You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
