Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
