she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
