you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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