I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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