this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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