If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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