I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize