wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
