I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
