I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
