Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
