I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
