we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
