I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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