we have pet lesbian snakes
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
