I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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