butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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