Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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