Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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