At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize