I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
