you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
