Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
