You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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