Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
