I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
