Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize