Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Houston, we have a blender
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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