Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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