Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
