just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize