literally had 100 drinks last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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