Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
