I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize