She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
