my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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