she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you made out with another girl for some wings
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize