Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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